M.I.A. #5- 1+1=1?- Joy in Oneness

Two days ago we celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. Yes, we celebrate two anniversaries a year; the one when we became girlfriend and boyfriend and when we got married. For our tenth anniversary, we had envisioned having the wedding we always wanted and renewing our vows. However a couple of months ago we decided to postpone that since we would not be able to plan it how we wanted. Since then we were thinking of something great to do and due to circumstances and commitments beyond our control, we didn't plan much at all. Instead we decided to have a simple dinner together. Funny the older we get, the more it seems simplicity is key.


When we were younger I envisioned him being this hopeless romantic who would plan great getaways or elaborate surprises but as I get older, not only has he become more creative, but the things I used to expect have changed. I find that at one point in our relationship I was living day to day trying to get by...make it to the next date, the next outing...and forgetting to give him my 100% daily. In the little things, in the routine, I'd get caught up waiting for the grand moments. Thankfully, after all we have been through we have learned the importance of One-ness. A habitual, constant, daily effort into uniting, communicating, loving intentionally.


At dinner we talked a lot. We went down memory lane and looked back at everything we have done, we have been through, we have learned, we have changed and the things we look forward to. The biggest takeaway or conclusion we came to is that we can rejoice in being one. Having the same love, being in one spirit, and one mind. Last night, as we sat outside listening to salsa and Latin music at a Cuban restaurant.... We realized we are one. We were able to sit in our car and have milkshakes and just rejoice in the fact we have been able to go from selfishness, looking out for our self, feeling entitled and even working against each other in our relationship to having the same goals, the same desires, the same mind thanks to God teaching us to pursue unity.


Marriage was designed for two to become one. Unfortunately society, and pop culture has a distorted vision. The focus has become individuality and looking out for self. Even in the context of marriage, more and more couples are trying to keep a division line in what was meant to be joined. Marriage is a joining of two people, distinct personalities, different tastes, customs, and habits joining together to mutually complete each other. I believe most unhappiness and straying comes from not being fulfilled and living marriage out to be One.


It has become acceptable for so many couples to keep things separate in their relationship where they each keep their last name, their own bank account, their own friends, their own hobbies and never have to work together to compromise and blend each others world together. The more amount of years that go by, I see we have improved in our communication, in our teamwork and we are always on the same page in the same book.


Thankfully today I can say that knowing God's plan and design for marriage, instead of feeling like I am in this for myself working for myself and my happiness; I am constantly working for unison, for togetherness and knowing my role as his wife is to encourage, and help Him lead.


My point is marriage is what God created for us to leave our parents and cleave to our spouse to become one. Fulfillment, and joy in marriage comes from building that together. It doesn't happen overnight, it does not come easily and it is a daily effort but you cannot build your marriage trying to be two separate people with two different visions or different goals.

Today I thank God all roads, all our mistakes, all our heartbreaks and setbacks led us to Him. To habve our belief in Him, our faith and God's purpose for our lives be the 3rd cord that keeps us together and brings us closer daily. I can't say my marriage is perfect and we are still on a process of unification and nowhere near being done, but as we laughed over dinner and milkshakes in our car for dessert on the way back home to our kids, I realized this is the oneness God always intended.....

There is joy and peace in filling that purpose. Sharing goals, thoughts, ideas, prayers, devotions, friends, outtings….even our new adventure as volunteers in the children ministry at our church! And as we look forward to the next 10 years or the rest of our lives, I just want to continue to pursue the One-ness and the like mindeness, one spirit and one love described  in the bible.

Today I encourage you as a couple, whether married or not to seek the togetherness and oneness God intended. To experience your marriage at its fullest and to live the call you have as husband and wife making your marriage and pursuing each other daily in the journey of life. Seek each other’s happiness, thoughtfulness, company, excitement and adventures before putting so many other things ahead of your marriage! It’s the most important relationship you will have….. no other relationship is so interdependent, intertwined, and meant to become one as much as marriage.


That night I realized Philipians 2:2 kept playing over in my head...and today my joy is complete. I am no longer just living for the grand moments or awaiting the next date, but I'm living in the today giving 100% of me to make us. I'm really learning there is no "I" in team. And I know that there is no greater example of sacrificial love and selflessness we can teach our kids.