Meli's world

In the past couple of months as Emerald and I were seeking direction as to what is next and how I could pursue the teaching career I felt called to.... we brainstormed, prayed and listened and waited like never before. As we came to a decision, I know that trusting and following God's lead is the right thing to do.... however as we move in to the unknown, fear has tried to settle in and cripple my mind. I have to admit I like to know things will work out. Im a planner, a budgeter, and I like to feel I'm in control.  I'm excited to be moving in another level of obedience yet terrified of not knowing how it will all work out or if we are even doing the wise thing. Today was rough.... with so many things up in the air and me wrestling with my emotions, I don't even think my husband wants to be around me. So I'm listening to worship music and Jesus Culture- Let it Echo comes on. In the comments that I never read.... is a word I felt was straight from God to my heart...

  About 3 months ago, I was put on blood pressure medication. It upset me. It bothered me and I didn't tell many people about it. I rather avoid the lectures on how I wouldn't have hypertension if I only lost weight. I get it. I'm trying. However, I was rather relieved to hear that I was considered a mild case and we would start getting it under control with only 5mg of Lisonopril for three months and then re-evaluate. Hearing that most women who have pre-eclampsia, which I did in my first pregnancy are more likely to develop it, also took away the guilt feeling. Whether hereditary or weight related, it did help motivate me to  make healthier decisions in my diet and to start walking and getting some exercise in. But as a busy mom and wife, the 3 months went faster then I thought and I didn't schedule my follow up on time. I ran out of my pills that Tuesday since the doctors office was closed on monday, Memorial day. Thinking I could wait, my appointment was ...

This past week some days were cloudy, dark, and rainy with just a few hours of sunshine in between. And sometimes that's exactly the state of mind we fall in to. Cloudy, rainy and barely sunny.  I wallowed in self pity about almost everything and my mood was deteriorating fast.... it was like my mind went from Sunny Florida days to thunderstorms rolling in almost immediately like a typical summer afternoon. I was frustrated with my cravings and lack of weight loss despite doing more then ever before. I was frustrated with what seems to be the kids never ending fighting and bickering.  I was feeling annoyed by my husband despite him being the sweet loving guy who comes home to help me with dinner..... I was lamenting that right now is not a good time to pursue education.... I was even listening to the voice that says I can't blog about what I'm learning. ...... I haven't learned it yet. For the past two weeks, I was more attentive to my feelings then the word of...

Tonight we got home from church and Manny, my 7 year old son was a bit hungry. He ate some of the leftovers from dinner and asked me for chocolate milk. Being tired and in the middle of packing lunches I did what any good mom would do, I gave him a bottle of chocolate milk. The ones I pack in his lunchbox instead of making him some. It was most convenient at this moment, not necessarily lazy. Almost immediately he was in the kitchen asking me to open it for him. Kind of bothered he was interrupting my flow again, I said "No, open it like you open it at school". To which he replied: "I don't, I get Sean to do it." Now I wasn't bothered at his interruption at all anymore, I was bothered by his lack of effort and finding out he hasn't been opening his own milk.  The conversation that followed though, thankfully is full of the type of Gold moms dream of. "Manny, how old is Sean?" - 7 "What grade is he in?" -2nd "How many ...