Skip to main content

My story:::: Part 3- A whole new world!



That day in the car something changed. I heard God. I felt His love. I saw His forgiveness. I saw my sin. I saw how far I'd come and how much wrong I had done. I saw that I had made the idea of this perfect love my idol. And now that it failed me and it hadn't been perfect, I was ready to give up. I'd made Emerald my idol, and even in my idea of "love", I hadn't been able to love him wholly and pure. All that love wasn't even able for me to extend my forgiveness to him as he had to me in the past.


That day had to be the day mercy came down and found me right there in my car. I can't quite explain it. It was like I had been given a new set of eyes. I could feel the hurt of betrayal yet I could feel His love fill my heart. I could see the mess I was in, but I could see the pieces He could put back together. I could decide to quit and have that be the end to my dream, but He showed me it could a new beginning. He wasn't only working in me, but He had also started a work in my husband. My husband never had to tell me. I would have never known. Yet he chose to be obedient to what God wanted from him. He knew it wouldn't be easy, he knew things would never be the same, and he faced my rejection and anger. And yet he stayed. He was determined to make us work. Late nights, lots of crying, questions, confessions, screaming, yelling.... Yet he pursued me. God was giving us the chance to save our marriage.


Being good in my own strength had never been the plan God for me. Finding attention and "love" in guys had been a path of destruction. Even in my marriage, I had allowed my husband to become my "everything" and my selfishness sin, lusts,and desires had allowed me to cause hurt to the man I loved most. I had to understand my husband's mistake didn't mean he didn't love me. It just meant he was also so lost in His selfishness and sin that we both were destroying what was most important. God in His grace was going to let this all work out for our good.
I accepted God's second chance. Even in our disobedience God had kept us for one another. It was the hardest thing, the most difficult, physically painful, most stormy time of my life. My mouth and heart said yes. And my mind was telling me to go. Reminding me of lies, broken trust and my broken dream. This was going to require much more than just me holding on.

We both recommitted our life to Christ. God placed it in our hearts that if we were gonna stay He'd need to be the one to keep us together. We had to seek Him before one another. We'd have to pursue Him and know His word. We'd have to place our hearts and marriage in His hands for Him to restore. We both had visions of him making something beautiful out of the broken mess we'd made. And all throughout our son Emmanuel, which means God is with us; was a constant reminder and push to let God piece our family back together again.


Since then, I've seen God work in ways I cant explain. Needless to say, I'd be a fool to tell you I haven't seen God's work. He made it better than it was before. He gave us each a love for each other that consists of putting each other first. A desire for communication where we can spend hours being honest and open of anything including work or anything we do when apart. We rebuilt the trust by being accountable and completely open with our devices, or computer accounts etc. We have realigned our priorities to put our marriage first. Nowadays we are learning that no human relationship is more important than than the one we have in each other. Also, that in marriage we are either in daily pursuit to grow closer together or we are slowly drifting towards isolation. And that outside of God, there is nothing we can do on our own. Including loving each other and being "good" in our own strength. Since then, our family has grown and we welcomed Emeli 3 years ago. We have become homeowners. We have been able to lay out plans, dreams and desires and embark on them together. I know now its a whole new world. And the past doesn't define who we are or where we are headed. Its been a new beginning. Our house, our marriage, our family is now built on Christ alone.


"...unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain." Psalm 127:1


See also part 2:  http://theworldaccordingtomeli.blogspot.com/2014/09/my-story-part-2-broken-love.html?m=0

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Nothing Else.

My favorite worship song right now is by Cody Carnes : Nothing Else. The lyrics as simple as can be: "I just want you. Nothing Else, nothing Else will do, I just want you." And as I sang this song a few Saturday nights ago at service, with my eyes closed and hands lifted in worship, I breathed in, and came to the realization of how more than just a song its a truth and a prayer I must live out everyday of my life. We just moved a week ago, and until then we were living in a clutter of boxes. and I realized how much I hate clutter. I know it was necessary, but it was making my mind cluttered as well and I just felt messy and like I couldn't wait to be in the new place, unpacked, and organized. I figured this would bring back the peace a normal routine and clean house brings me. It was just this week, I was listening to a preaching. A preaching that talked about the importance of walking in obedience especially when it comes to our finances. Dr. Mark Jobe on Mood...

New Me

Today, marks 8 years since my life was radically changed. It was this day that I realized two things::: Only God could love me wholly and perfectly, and there was no mistake I'd made that was too big for forgiveness....and it's the same forgiveness He'd want me to have with others. I celebrate this day because prior to this I wasn't really living... I was a slave to me and my selfish ways and years of doing things our way clearly wasn't working. At this point in my life I thought I'd be a 21 year old divorced single mother who would have to live in shame and guilt of ruining her own marriage..... But God.... He wasn't done. And He meant it all for good. He had started a work in my heart and my husband and was orchestrating these series of events that would lead us to Him.... Repentance and each other with a love newer and purer than before. A couple weeks ago I sat in a room full of women and told my testimony and I vividly remember every tear I ...

"Woe Is Me"

This past week some days were cloudy, dark, and rainy with just a few hours of sunshine in between. And sometimes that's exactly the state of mind we fall in to. Cloudy, rainy and barely sunny.  I wallowed in self pity about almost everything and my mood was deteriorating fast.... it was like my mind went from Sunny Florida days to thunderstorms rolling in almost immediately like a typical summer afternoon. I was frustrated with my cravings and lack of weight loss despite doing more then ever before. I was frustrated with what seems to be the kids never ending fighting and bickering.  I was feeling annoyed by my husband despite him being the sweet loving guy who comes home to help me with dinner..... I was lamenting that right now is not a good time to pursue education.... I was even listening to the voice that says I can't blog about what I'm learning. ...... I haven't learned it yet. For the past two weeks, I was more attentive to my feelings then the word of...