As you may know by now, I am a sucker for love. I love love...romance, marriage and everything that grows from it. I think its so beautiful to see 2 people come together and become one, one flesh, one family, one life with hopefully one vision for their future. Having met my husband at such a young age, nothing was more significant to me then growing together, and building our lives together.
However, with all that I've learned from marriage in the past 10 years, by experience and others, I realize some of the most romantic concepts we have in our head regarding true love, are not only untrue but also sets up for disappointment and depression if we are not careful.
First one that irritates me was made famous by Tom Cruise prior to his couch jumping days. Everybody, even if you're like me and never actually watched it knows this line from : Jerry McGuire...
The popular idea that our significant other will be our "other half". The other term people use which I hate is soul mate. Everybody is looking for their "soul mate".What is that? What does it even mean? I did a little research and found that its actually a concept rooted in ancient mythology. These people believed that the gods split human being as a form of punishment and that they had to spend their lifetime looking for that person that will bring completion. Ancient mythology also declares there is some sort of feeling that a person experiences when they come face to face with their soul mate.
Which reminds me of the feeling I got when I met my husband.... it wasn't special. It was during a fire drill on the football field at the beginning of my freshman year at the age of 14 and his senior year. He was in my sister's class and she called me over to introduce me. It was one of those rushed uninteresting moments where I didn't really pay attention to his name, and he could care less that I was his friend's little sister. -- Makes me laugh to think I could have passed our relationship up because I never got that "feeling" when we met.
Big problem with these two ideas: God didn't create you to be anybody's half. You were made to find wholeness in your individual relationship with God and him alone . This idea may make single people feel incomplete because they haven't found their other half. And lead them to believe that they will finally be whole when they find that person. But relationships aren't two 50% persons going in to make a whole. Its 2 whole people joining to be 1. Two people giving their 100%. All of you. All of me.... Like the popular hit by John Legend.
For us that do get married thinking we are being completed by saying "I do", this can lead to heartache and disappointment. Looking for your other half is like looking for something you're not missing to begin with. You may try to be fulfilled in entirety by this one relationship with this one person but that is impossible.
My husband is my partner, my best friend, my support, my favorite person to be with and my life with him is amazing. But he is not my soul mate nor my other half. We understand each other, we each are whole individuals bringing our own ideas, culture, thoughts, and differences and blending them to make one. One marriage, one couple, one family. But I am not defined as his half or vice versa. My identity is not just found in him. I am a whole being who has found fulfillment in my relationship with God, and all he has called me to be. Including being his wife.
I never got a special feeling when I met my husband, it was not love at first sight. And though our relationship does involve feelings and emotions, our marriage does not hinge on that alone. It is based on positive interactions, effective communication, and an emotional give-and-take with each other that reflects our wholeness. Our marriage is founded in faith, rooted in good choices, and grounded in hard work. Dont get me wrong it also includes feelings such as romance and passion, but even when those emotions may not seem as strong what keeps us together is the commitment we made to one another.
If you're waiting for the magical moment where you will be swept of your feet by the "one" , you may be waiting a really long time. Build relationships with the people God has placed in your life. Observe characteristics and traits you'd like in a mate, but don't let the foundation be purely feelings.
Truth is true love is 2 people learning to come together. Two people who have made a commitment to see the good in each other rather than focus on the bad. Love that is patient, kind, forgiving, and not self seeking!
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