Ahhhhhhhh!!!!

As I sit here an write this on my lunch break at work, I realize its the first lunch break in a while where I'm not running errands. I started so strong in my lunchtime walks, and then things just started coming up and well they just were no longer my priority. I realize life gets so hectic and all I want to do is scream sometimes:::: ahhhhh!!! This was the same thing that was trying to keep me from making it to church last night. I rushed. Got the kids dressed and fed but after rushing around, several tantrums, I was exhausted and just didn't want to go. I didnt want to go to the thing I needed the most : God's presence... Worshipping Him and taking my mind of everything that stresses me, and just getting into His word hearing what He had to tell me. Thank God I have a husband who promised me he wouldn't let me skip church service anymore.

I find that before I knew Jesus, I was always trying to do. To accomplish and boasts on my academic achievements or awards. I was very into being done fast, having straight A's and just always wanting to make sure I pleased people. A couple years ago, when I started walking with Christ, my only prayer was that Jesus would suffice in every situation and every circumstance. I always felt like I needed more.... More friends, more vacations, more money at work, more kids, another puppy, more friends....etc. I wasn't finding contentment in my life at any present moment and was always looking ahead to what else I could do, what else could I change or accomplish? Praying that daily changed my life. I learned to see the joy in my salvation, to know that if Jesus is all I have then I have all I need. And I've learned how to truly cherish my husband and kids in the house we live in with the same jobs...etc. I have learned that adding more activities, sports, vacations or anything else won't satisfy.

But at the same time as I have learned to see Jesus as enough in all my situations I see that now I may be trying to do everything for Him and still trying to be "enough".

Church was the place I needed to be last night because as one of my pastors taught on Psalms 46, he asked us to find the variable in the following equation: God +? = Enough. He said we sometimes have variables that we are trying to add to God to feel like enough. When all we have to do is : Be still and know He is God as stated in verse 10. Though I no longer face the same battles i used to without Christ, i find that sometimes even in my relationship with God I am trying to work to earn His love or.my salvation. I feel guilty when I don't exercise, when I lose my patience and raise my voice with my kids, or I don't serve my husband fully and humbly. When i make my self a long checklist of things to do such as planning parties, family outings, our lessons for Saturday night Children's ministry, our daily devotional etc.... And when on top of that I start feeling like a failure when I can't keep up! Got that? I feel like a failure when I can't keep up with Me! I demand these things of me. I feel like I am wrong for not doing enough....and I forget nothing I do will ever be enough.

What Christ did for me, dying and taking my sin on the cross , resurrecting and defeating death, paying my debt was enough. Whether I fail to keep up with my own expectations or not, Jesus is Enough. My salvation, and God's love for me does not depend on whether I've walked on my lunchtime or blogged in a month. God loves me because God is love. And when He sees me he sees Jesus' righteousness. Its never been about me or.my accomplishments. When Jesus said it is finished as He hung on that cross, He meant in Him we have the victory. We are fighting battles that have already been won. There is grace for all my failures.

I encourage you today to be still, and recognize God's goodness. To know His love can't be earned by the things we do and can't be lost with the things we fail to do. Instead of filling up our own to do lists with a million and one things we can't fulfill, make Beholding Jesus your priority. Seeking Him. I realized for me, the more stressed I become the less I want to find time to pray or get in His word but its in that communion that he speaks to us and reminds us to rest in Him. To rejoice in Jesus alone. Looking at that equation I realized how guilty I am of still trying to find that variable instead of believing my prayer and His word that Jesus is enough. I encourage you to stop stressing out and feeling like this kid in Home Alone...or like me where everything that comes up is "Ahhhhh".... Instead sigh with relief ....ahhhhh. He loves you....and there's nothing He wants more than to give you the peace and relief you are looking for. He is enough!