I have struggled with weight issues, body image and just being used to being called "thick" and "big" since I was in middle school. Problem back then was that I wasn't big. I was bigger than most girls I went to school with and my sister, but looking back to how much i weighed, i was not overweight. My problem started then. I had a family who I don't think meant any harm but would always tell me I was big, I was gaining weight, I had big thighs...etc, Never in a mean, fat shaming kind of way but now I feel those things are not things young girls who are going through development should have to hear. I was active. Walking daily. Going for bike rides. Not eating fast foods, cause i didn't have a job yet and my parents didn't buy any. I never struggled with eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia but these words started becoming a part of me. I got used to being the "bigger" one. I didn't feel I could ever be skinny or fit. And slowly but surely i started to pack on weight.
But.... I got cortisone shots. At the same time I was losing my hair on the top of my head. I am talking at least a quarter sized bald spot right in the middle top of my head. When I went to the dermatologist, the treatment was cortisone shots, weekly throughout the summer. I was told i would gain water weight. I was never told this was a steroid that could forever affect my metabolism especially in high doses. But something happened, because that summer and through the next year I went up 2 pant sizes.
But... my mom is overweight. I grew up with my mom being overweight. I never thought anything was wrong with her. She was beautiful to me. My dad loved her and she was the greatest mom I could ask for. She was comfy to hug and it wasn't like she was sitting on a couch all day eating chips, My mom never liked junk food and doesn't even have a sweet tooth. She walked, she ate healthy and tried many different things to overcome her issue. I figured my weight was hereditary.
But.... I was confident. At the time my weight was changing and my family was looking at me as the big one, I loved my body. I didn't feel there was anything wrong with me. Boys liked me. I had friends. I could do anything I wanted to without feeling different. I wasn't bullied or teased. I was just me. this was my size. that wasn't important. I had more to offer the world then just the number on the scale. Besides by this point, J.Lo and Selena had inspired me to know there were different body types then the runway models I saw in the magazines my dad made at his job.
But...I liked being different and I never had anything bad to say about myself. I saw girls go through their teenage years complaining in the mirror about their skin, their nose, their weight, their height and I couldnt stand it. I didnt like seeing them obsess over something that God created, and designed to be unique about them. They spent time obsessing and talking bad about themselves. I saw girls as young as 13, 2 and 3 sizes smaller than me call themselves fat around me. I knew I didnt want to be like them. I didnt want to pick at my self and hate myself and I knew that if they thought they were fat, then i was humongous and there was never anyway I was going to be that small.
But...I am healthy. Yes I can say that in the past 16 years where weight has been an issue I have been healthy. I dont have high cholesterol, diabetes, heart problems or none of the health issues associated with obesity.But... I am not looking to wear immodest clothes. I've never been motivated to lose weight by picturing myself in some sexy bikini, short skirts or mid-riffs. I just wouldn't dress that way even if i had the body to rock it. So that hasn't been a goal. I am fine with the clothes in my size. They are modest, age appropriate and I'm a mom and wife.
But...I've always been the different sibling. Both my brother and my sister were born looking a little darker than me, dark black hair and apparently a nice metabolism and skinnier body,We grew up eating the same foods. Doing the same activities and even then they were always smaller. I decided I was just the bigger one.
BUT..... something has changed. I don't feel comfortable not tackling this issue and making excuses for myself as to why I can't lose weight and be a normal healthy size.
BUT NOW... I need to conquer self control. I need to be disciplined. I need to stick to an eating plan and an exercise routine. BUT now, I need to show my kids the importance of taking care of their body, the temple God has given us. But Now, I know the impact it can have on my health sooner or later. BUT now its finally clicked in my head that I want to be more active. I want to enjoy every piece of life and not be stopped by my weight. I don't want to be known as just big, or "Thick". I want to be able to enjoy life to the fullest. When I started this blog almost a year ago, i was on a mission to lose weight and since then I've lost weight and gained some back. I can't keep playing that game. I want to do this. I want to trust that just as God transformed so many things in my life, this is one I have the ability to change with Him AND through HIM. This is an area of my life that will require time, dedication, planning, organization and a lot of hard work .I know it won't be easy but I'm ready. Maybe getting rid of my big buts.... I'll finally let go of some other "big" things.
I encourage you today to let go of your big "buts". To stop making excuses that are stopping you from achieving goals simply because you feel comfortable. Whatever area of life it may be you have let go off and discarded as impossibilities, I encourage you to take it back, make a plan, and stick to it. I encourage you to look at the bigger picture and think of all the reasons why you CAN do something. Let's start on this journey. Surround yourself with people who motivate you and encourage you, I know it won't be easy, it won't happen overnight but I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. I know there is nothing that is IMPOSSIBLE to my God. I know that in Him, I dont have to settle... there's no area in my life that I can't have control over. I got this...cause He's got me.
Love- Meli
Comments
Post a Comment