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M.IA. #4: Dating your spouse




Now that most of you know my story and everything my husband Emerald and I have been through, perhaps you will understand that the things I write about are lessons I've personally learned and the things that have made our marriage thrive and continually push forward.


Getting married in our teenage years, it was like date night every night. We would eat out dinner after long days at work, or go out to breakfast before work. We would catch a movie or go for strolls at the mall randomly. So easy to do when you have no other priorities. We would go play tennis with friends at the park, go for walks, swims, or play video games. (yes we were teenagers). It was always exciting and it always gave us time to share our favorite activities and to talk about our days.


However things change when you become parents. We moved in with my parents to save money during the pregnancy and never thought of how difficult that would be. Also, we had to get in saving mode for the addition to the family. My husband knew this wouldn't be a good idea, yet I didn't listen. We love my parents, my husband does too. But couples: Once you're married you must have your own space! We were in a room. We didn't have our own kitchen or living area.. So most of our dinners we'd eat in the dining room with the rest of the family. Even when we thought of going out, we were saving money. Or we'd go out in a big group with my little brother and cousins since they didn't drive at the time.


Things weren't easy and I understand everyone is in a different situation, but married folks need to make dating your spouse a priority. Alone dates...romantic dates, adventure dates, eating dates... Movie dates.. Anything that involves getting out of the house , dressed up, and spending quality one on one time together.

If you're anything like me, you like to have an orderly routine to everything. Its working Monday through Friday....being busy with work, errands, homework, kids basketball, church, etc. All through the week. But if we don't take the time out to date our spouse and be intentional to spend time together, it becomes just a routine. Marriages are not meant to be boring! Its supposed to be a love romantic affair til the day we die! Think about when you were dating. We would spend hours on the phone. We'd write each other love letters...and we would do anything to spend time together. Don't stop!
Because we have two young kids, we say hi to each other as soon as we get home... And it better be a big hug and kiss... But after that... Conversations are mostly with the kids. How was school...what to teach them.... Reading...it'd be a miracle if we actually got to hold a conversation with each other. For this reason we have a set bedtime and we have a mini date night daily. We discuss the day, work, news, bible studies... Or try to catch a movie together before bed.
But through all the chaos and feelings of mom guilt leaving her kids, we have decided that the only way our marriage will thrive is by commiting to dating at least once a month. You need to remember one day your kids will grow up and you will still be left    with one another. You dont want to wake up and realize you're married to a stranger that you have no use for now that the kids are gone. You're not business partners. You're lovers, romantic partners... Date them!
I love looking forward to at least that once a month date where we have arranged babysitting and we each get dressed up and plan a nice night out for each other. Remember ladies, he's your man so there's nothing wrong with you being the one planning and inviting him. Get creative. Dress up. Do your make up. Your hair and plan a nice night out. Send him an invite in a note, a text, an email.... And make sure you have time to talk and enjoy each others company. For that night, leave the kids and house worries at home....
Sometimes, we meet up for a mini lunch date during the work week...and that's perfect to catch up on anything and mix things up. Make it exciting! There is no reason marriage should be looked at a boring relationship. In my opinion, its one of the best loves we get to experience as humans. 2 becoming 1. I challenge you to get creative and make your marriage awesome. It maybe waking up early to have breakfast together before the kids wake up in your own kitchen, or setting a bedtime routine and deciding on an actual date night babysitter. Whatever it is... Make your marriage awesome. Send texts, buy flowers, dress up... Go out... And remember what your spouse was like when y'all were dating and first fell in love! Maybe you'll realize this is making your marriage stronger and the stress less, and decide to have a weekend getaway....

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