This past week some days were cloudy, dark, and rainy with just a few hours of sunshine in between. And sometimes that's exactly the state of mind we fall in to. Cloudy, rainy and barely sunny.
I wallowed in self pity about almost everything and my mood was deteriorating fast.... it was like my mind went from Sunny Florida days to thunderstorms rolling in almost immediately like a typical summer afternoon. I was frustrated with my cravings and lack of weight loss despite doing more then ever before. I was frustrated with what seems to be the kids never ending fighting and bickering. I was feeling annoyed by my husband despite him being the sweet loving guy who comes home to help me with dinner..... I was lamenting that right now is not a good time to pursue education.... I was even listening to the voice that says I can't blog about what I'm learning. ...... I haven't learned it yet.
For the past two weeks, I was more attentive to my feelings then the word of God.... Our feelings dictated by circumstances, people's actions or inactions, insecurities, and past experiences, while the word of GOD is truth we can apply in all situations.
Every worry, and negative thought; I had it. And I didn't even want to reach out to people like I usually do with encouragement, hellos, and verses...... after all, do they ever stop and do it for me?
And finally it just burst outwardly like a tornado that forms suddenly from the clouds..... and I realized this is exactly the type of mentality the enemy wants us to have. The Woe is me ... nobody loves me, I can't do it, it's not important, miserable feel sad for yourself kind of attitude. In my crying, my sulking and my isolation, I was no good for anyone. I struggled with patience for my kids, understanding for my husband and a desire to be around anyone.
I finally decided this needed to stop. I couldn't walk around any longer with a black rainy cloud over my head. I talked to my husband who listened and in my talking it out, I realized how silly I sounded and how I allowed little things to be magnified in my brain as huge issues when in reality I was the only problem. My problem was the enemy once again was trying to distract me, steal my joy and waste my time by deceiving me into thinking I was created for myself. To be pretty and skinny enough. To be the perfect put together well balanced mom with well behaved kids. To be the wife that has everything in order and still manages to look stunning. To be a woman who does it all..work, work out, ministry, friendships and pursues education. To think I have to wait to be perfect to be used by God..... to only do for others what they do for me.
Wrong. All Wrong. The reality is the Word of God tells us we were created for Him to bring HIM glory in all we do. (1 Corinthians 10:31). The Word of God tells me I am chosen, royal and HIS that I may proclaim His excellencies. (1 Peter 2:9) The Word of God tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) The Word of God tells me not to conform to this world and its pattern or what it tells me I should be, but instead to renew my mind that I may know the Will of God. (Romans 12:2) The Word of God tells me I am HIS workmanship created for Good works. (Ephesians 2:10). And the list goes on. For every thought, every worry..... there is a promise. A truth to drown out the lies. And I realized that unless I put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6), and seek my Father daily....the lies of this world can become louder than HIS truth.When I choose to believe the lies. My mind becomes focused on Me. On Earth which is temporary and I forget I am not only living for eternity, but also to preach the Good news of the gospel, and make Jesus known. Not only do the lies distract me from my purpose but they lead me to believe that my gifts are something I earn rather then something that was freely Given in HIS grace to be used as HE pleases regardless of my doing.
That's why finishing this blog was so important. Because I know I'm not the only one who can struggle with choosing to believe this World or His Word. I know I am not the only tempted to believe we are not loved, we are not enough, we are not equipped, and that we will never be perfect. I chose "WOE is ME" as the title because its not only referenced by Shakespeare but also in the bible meaning distressed, sad and grieved.
Today I encourage you to break free from that mentality. Don't focus so much on yourself, your thoughts and feelings but instead focus what God wants for our lives, and the fact that there's so many people out there that could use your help, your smile, your encouragement, and your transparency. I encourage you to let HIS word be your truth and a lamp unto your Feet. ( Psalm 119:105) I encourage to be so Hidden in His word and dressed with His Armor, that you may be able to stand the attacks that will come even just as small thoughts of defeat and insufficiency. I encourage you to remember HIS LOVE and Grace. And the hope of seeing His face and being satisfied fully in HIM. (Psalm 17:15) I encourage you to seek HIM, to know HIM more.....and that you may rest in knowing.......
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| Picture courtesy of Finch and Forest Co. |
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