My favorite worship song right now is by Cody Carnes : Nothing Else. The lyrics as simple as can be: "I just want you. Nothing Else, nothing Else will do, I just want you."
And as I sang this song a few Saturday nights ago at service, with my eyes closed and hands lifted in worship, I breathed in, and came to the realization of how more than just a song its a truth and a prayer I must live out everyday of my life.
We just moved a week ago, and until then we were living in a clutter of boxes. and I realized how much I hate clutter. I know it was necessary, but it was making my mind cluttered as well and I just felt messy and like I couldn't wait to be in the new place, unpacked, and organized. I figured this would bring back the peace a normal routine and clean house brings me.
It was just this week, I was listening to a preaching. A preaching that talked about the importance of walking in obedience especially when it comes to our finances. Dr. Mark Jobe on Moody radio spoke not only about the tithe, giving 10%, but also saving 10%, and living on 80%. Now a few years ago, we sold our house to become debt free and that allowed us to start fresh with our finances. But this message was particularly hard for me to listen to. It was as if God was stirring in me, that there is more for me to learn about living generously and being a good steward. Not only was I moved and challenged to more obedience, but also started thinking of the many ways this could help our budget, or the exact amount of raise I need to pray for in order for it to work and numbers to make sense while sustaining a family of 4.
Its been a new season even in parenthood, as our youngest Emeli is now in 3rd grade and becoming a bit more mature and independent. & as our oldest Manny, has started middle school. It has definitely been a challenge and I've been learning that I cannot be a helicopter mom. That I cannot produce perfect kids who will be amazing students and do the right thing always. Its been a hard realization that I have to let go little by little of my expectations of them and just steer them in the right direction, giving them the tools, His word, the truth in order for them to choose. As they continue to grow in their character, personality and knowledge of the Lord, I am learning that I cannot minimize motherhood into some perfect equation. I cannot think that if only I did this then it would produce those results. Or that if somehow my kids do everything right, that I'd be at peace and successful at motherhood.
I live this life where I know JESUS came to fill the part of my heart that could never be filled. He came to bridge the gap that sin made between God and us, and that in HIS righteousness I have everything I need in this life and for eternity. Yet so many times, my humanity, my earthly mind wants to slip back into the.... if only.... If only I got a raise, If only I could get a new car to drive my nephews and new niece around all at once, If only we were homeowners already again so we could have a growing investment, if only I could save X amount a month, If only I could cook organic healthy meals every night etc. And it starts feeling like my heart being deceptive as it is is always longing for more than just Jesus.....
I start plugging in solutions to all that my mind perceives as problems. I start thinking ahead to how I could make these "goals" attainable, and how all of sudden if I accomplished these things, how I would feel full. Satisfied. Successful. Fulfilled. - and then as I pray and come back to spending time in the Word, and in worship I realize this all a lie of the enemy. A lie that keeps me bound not to the joy God has given me at the present moment, or the hope that all my needs in Him are met for all eternity, but the lie that Jesus plus all these other things would give me more peace then Him alone.
Ahhhh.... the lies. The struggle of this present life. The sufferings we deem unnecessary and the trials we would choose not to go through. Yet its in all these things, His desire is that we would come to understand that its HIM we need. Nothing Else.
Its easy for me as a believer to see those without Jesus chasing degrees, titles, money, perfect bodies, etc and think how much they need to know their need can only be filled by HIM. That their heart was designed to be in relationship with HIM . and that its in HIM they will find the purpose they search for.
Yet how convicting it is to know that knowing these truths, I can easily revert to the same subtle mentality. A chasing. A longing. A desire that wants to be filled and how quickly my deceitful heart and mind agree that its these things I need.
No. Its not. Its a battle between the TRUTH , and the FAITH we have in what we cannot see & the LIES that Satan so boldly and illustratively paints us everyday.
In Jesus, I lack nothing. In Jesus, I need nothing ELSE.
I encourage you to rest in that truth today. To sing this song. To pray we get to experience this truth daily. To KNOW and never let go of that truth. When your heart and mind seem unsettled, come back to the cross. Come back to what life was before you knew Jesus. That life was death. Separation. Hopeless. In Him we have EVERYTHING. Eternity. Hope. Redemption. and that in itself is everything.
Love,
Meli
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