16 and Married!

 

 



 

As most of you may already know, I wasn't 16 and pregnant, like the popular MTV show. Instead I was 16 and married. Yes married before I graduated, or officially got my driving license. Married before I got an actual job and before I knew what marriage was really going to require.

 

 

I met my husband my freshman year in high school and for many months only looked at him as a friend to share my "boy" drama with. But after many lunches, conversations, hanging out, inviting him to my church, dancing at my quince, and skipping many electives together, I was in love with my homeboy, my friend. And all of a sudden, all the guys that I was entertaining as potential suitors didn't matter anymore. Not after Emerald called my house on a Tuesday night while I was watching American Idol, to confess his love for me. I remember seeing his family name on the caller I.D and almost falling off my bed to get the phone to tell him my sister wasn't home. My sister and him were in the same grade, shared classes and were friends before he met me. He told me he wasn't calling for her, and that he had to tell me that he appreciated our friendship but was looking at me as more than a friend. I  honestly don't even remember answering him or telling him I felt the same way too, I just know once I hung up and went to school the next day, things were never the same. In a matter of a week, he was officially my "boyfriend" and was at my house that weekend being reintroduced to my parents with his new title.

 

At the time, I was young, and sure I'd only have 2 official relationships before that. But being the hopeless romantic that I've always been, I already envisioned a high-school sweetheart forever kind of love. Only months into our relationship, his family was going though many changes that would require him to move back to Trinidad with them. With him already being a high school graduate, and having a stable job, he wanted to stay here. We wanted to be together, and if getting married was what it would take we were willing to make that decision because like crazy teenagers we felt our love was strong enough to get us through anything. Thankfully, we had supportive crazy parents who agreed. I'll never forget my dad's words, who said who is he to tell me I don't know love, or that I'd have to have stuff before I could get married. he reminded me marriage would be hard, but that if we worked at it we could build together and if it made me happy he wouldn't interfere. I thank God he trusted me to make that decision. Since I never considered myself a typical teenager. I was an old soul who grew up before my time. Anyone who knew me in middle school, could testify to that.

 

So we did it, We got married. I remember besides our immediate family, no one really knew. We got married in court, ironically by a 50 year old lady who told us she got married as a teenager and was celebrating her 35th anniversary that year. That sealed the deal. This was meant to be! We could beat the odds. I finished high school before we got our own apartment. We moved in with nothing but a mattress, his dad's old couch and dining table. I even graduated early, because I couldn't wait to start life with him. He was my one and only. And what anyone had to say about going to college first, or experiencing life didn't matter to us. I even got tired of answering the "are you pregnant" questions a million times over, because of course in people's minds that's the only reason we could be married so young.

 

Looking back now on the past 10 years, I can't believe we thought we were ready for marriage. especially as high school graduates and me still being a minor. We faced so many obstacles from trying to get a lease, or buy a car and needing an adult co-signer on everything! To thinking love is all we need and being smacked with the harsh reality of bills and high cost of living. After all, we were only high school graduates. We decided since we both graduated young, we figured we would take time to work and go to school later only to find out that due to our married status and both of us working we wouldn't qualify for financial aid. So we kept at our jobs, to be able to pay all our bills and figured school could wait. Before you knew it I was 18 and pregnant and we were parents by the ages of 19 and 20.

 

It was the most wonderful feeling on earth! Having a little bundle of joy, a product of love, a little one that resembles both of us. Our own little family. Everything I ever dreamed of. However, life gets tough. and everything that could have been thrown at us, was. We were facing things from legal issues, to unemployment, preeclampsia and having Emmanuel 5 weeks early via C-section, and even dislocated ankle injuries, we moved back in with my parents. And then the dream was over.

 

I can't even describe to you, how we felt going from total freedom as newly weds to being in a room with a new baby at my parent's house. But we managed. We got through all the hardships thrown our way, we got through everyone knowing our business and not having privacy. We managed having people over all the time, and loud house parties as we were putting our baby to bed. We managed biting our tongues and never actually being able to argue with one another out loud, and we managed to keep our love and marriage alive through all the rough times. Thankfully, we have always had supportive family.

 

 

Like I said before, we got married before we knew what it would take. We got married before we knew how unselfish we'd have to become. before we knew how communication would be vital and not just talking but actually expressing our thoughts, fears, and goals. Before we knew how expensive life was and how unprepared we were. Before we knew that love between 2 people is not always enough, when you face real life pressures, obstacles, and hardships. Before we knew that money does matter. Before we knew to keep people out of our marriage and before we realized that being married young we would meet many doubters, haters and people who would try to break us apart. Apparently, saying you are married makes you more attractive to any new person you meet. We got married before we knew what forever really meant, or how much hard work it would actually take. We got married before we knew the glue we needed to hold us together. We got married before we knew marriage was actually a covenant between us two and God, and that in order for our marriage to thrive and survive we would need God to hold us together.

 

 

The past 10 years have taught us all about sacrifices for one another and the common good of our family. It has taught us the power of support from others. The admiration for couples who like us were married young. It has taught us that though people said we'd most likely grow apart and end up divorced, that instead being married, naïve, and young, would help us learn and grow together in ways I would have never experienced if I was single all my teenage years. I don't think college life could have taught us the life lessons that we have learned. Somehow the foundation of friendship, believing that love was enough and experiencing God's true love and forgiveness together would be enough to get us through. Sure, we did things we regret, said words we wished we could take back, hurt each other in ways we shouldn't have, spent when we should have saved, got into debt, don't have college educations, or a big house. I also don't have wedding pictures or an engagement ring to show, but today I am happy to know that my marriage and family have been one of my biggest accomplishments.



 

 

I say I wasn't ready then and if I had to do it today at my age of 25, I don't think I'd ever be ready. Marriage is not something you can prepare for. I thank God we got married before we could let all the what ifs and others failures scare us out of it. Its not just love and happily ever afters. Its really becoming one and forsaking others. In other words, all about us, and keeping others out. Its ride or die. All or nothing. Its not just about being with that person when times are good and I feel happy. Its about riding it out and supporting one another. Its about growing pains and pressure to change and compromise. Its all about becoming less about me and all about "We". Its all about friendship and having fun with one another through the hardships of life. Its all about hustling and brainstorming together on how to pay your bills and save some money. Its all about figuring out the parenting thing and the balance between routines and spontaneity. Thankfully for us, its our marriage that has molded us into who we are today. It is in it that we have discovered that without God, we can't love like we are called to. That its marriage and its pressure that he uses to refine us and mirror the type of love he has for us!

 

 

Our love story hasn't been your typical one, its been full of sweat and tears. But in it I have found the beauty of Love through the storms of life. Forgiveness, and patience. And a need for a perfect love from our God to be able to love my husband that way He intended.  This story is still being written 10 years, and 2 kids later, but I'm convinced, with God, the odds and what people think or do don't matter!

 

"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."- Ecclesiastes 4:12