Today was a beautiful day here in Florida...hot, sunny and humid. Typical for an August day. We spent it at the park at a picnic from my husband, Emerald's job. With all the things I witnessed today I figured it be a perfect time to follow up on my blog series: MIA Marriage is awesome. Today's topic: boundaries.
My husband works as a customer service representative at an A.C. Company. Its like a store and a warehouse where he sits at a counter making sales to customers or clients that walk in or call on the phone. Its a mostly male dominated field and he's had great opportunity to move up from warehouse manager and driving deliveries. Now its a great job, and I've always trusted my husband because as I've said before we tell each other everything, but recently a female got hired to work there to do the same thing he does. Sitting at the same counter 40 hours a week. I have to admit, it was a little difficult to get used to the idea, but having learned so much in the past 10 years, I'm glad to say the boundaries we set for ourselves prepared us for this situation.
Because our relationship blossomed from a simple friendship where we got to know each other very well, by talking on the phone, going to lunch and spending lots of time together, we have decided that we would limit our friendships and not have any "friends" of the opposite sex. We both have friends, I have my girls, he has his "guys" and then there's our friends. Mostly couples who understand the commitment and respect that we have for one another. Friendships of the opposite sex may work for a lot of people, but in marriage it may be a slippery slope. We always say we are best friends and can do everything together from shopping, to movies, to projects around the house. I don't see how adding more people that we get so comfortable with would benefit our marriage. Friendships are important, it includes, love, support, listening, sharing, and as old fashioned as it may sound there's no reason why a female should look for this in a married man. Or as to why I as a woman, should be seeking this is any man besides my husband. We both have witnessed the behavior amongst other married people with "friends" and find we rather avoid questionable situations. It may not mean that we both are thinking we will be unfaithful, but our marriage is something we'd like to guard and protect. We have set up parameters where we discuss everything, all our interactions with others, we don't go to lunch with people from the opposite sex alone, and we also don't like the touchy-feely stuff that others may find normal.
We have also decided that the best way to avoid inappropriateness with others, is to act the same way when we are alone as if we each other were there. basically if its something I can't say or do around my husband, then I shouldn't do it or say it when he's not there. This includes watching the conversations we have with other people regarding marriage. We have witnessed that a lot of married people bash marriage as if its a death sentence. With him working with a lot of men, he has had to hear conversations amongst these men where they are all saying being married is horrible. They act as if their wife is just someone to share their finances with and sleep with every night. All they do is complain about having to deal with the same woman daily and rather plan outings without them. We on the other hand, have decided that we truly cherish and respect each other. There should be no reason why we should complain about each other to anybody. If we have a problem, its something we figure out together to resolve and talk about to each other and not to be discussed to anyone or on social media. When you think about the way the bible describes 2 becoming one in marriage, and you apply the fact that you and your spouse are one, there is no way that we can become disrespectful towards each other around others. Not to mention, what impression you may give an outsider as to what need they may be able to fulfill in your marriage. Truth is not everyone you know wants to see you happy. Its up to you to be wise in the things you share with others.
Truth is we really see marriage as one of the most precious sacred blessings God has given us. We find it is something we protect from outsiders, temptation. We value each other for the person we are, the friendship, the family we have built, the things that we have endured together. We have learned to put each other first, and "forsake" all others. Forsaking all others, is just really not giving anything more importance or value than your marriage. Its an us against the world mentality.
Today I witnessed the way married men did not take their wives to the picnic. I watched these married man talk about females they've met and find attractive. I saw them with pictures of other woman other than their wives on their phone. I also got to see the interaction of this single woman who now works with my husband, with all his co-workers. None of these men, nor her a woman seemed to have any clue on boundaries or protecting their marriage. Not to mention one of these men rode to this picnic with the new female employee. I also watched this woman not direct a word to me or my husband until I stepped away to play with the kids. It hasn't been easy getting used to the idea of this woman working with my husband, but our boundaries and the trust I have in my husband have definitely made it easier.
We do talk about everything. We don't bad talk our marriage or each other. We don't allow others to get special attention from us. And from what I saw today, my husband does his best to set those limits and make sure they are loud and clear. He was proud to be the only man with his wife and family. He stands to be counterculture and speak about marriage as what it should be: love, respect, friendship and one-ness. Marriage when you work on it, when you talk about it, when you protect it and see It for what it really is:: its beautiful. Boundaries help protect it, just like fences protect gardens. I hope this encourages you to talk to your spouse and see your marriage in a different light. You won't be able to control others or every situation like I can't change this woman working with him, but with proper communication and trust you can overcome.
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