A couple months ago I prematurely announced on my facebook to family and friends that I have decided I want to be a teacher.... and I still do. Except with the thought of loans and school debt, and lots of praying, came the selling of our home. Selling our home allowed us to wipe 12 years of debt and also to look forward to going to school and obtaining a Bachelor's in Elementary education which is my goal and dream job.
However, in these months we have been going through the process of selling not only our home but also getting rid of a lot of our possessions, moving, and still continuing kids ministry at church, I have had a lot of time to think, pray and reflect. And wait.
I didn't sign up to start in the fall like I originally wanted since life has been hectic. But I'm thinking God wanted me to wait since my heart doesn't feel as confident anymore. I know the heart is deceitful above all things, but making a life decision like this this definitely has me counting the cost and its a journey I don't want to embark on unless I can finish it.
What made me decide to be a teacher to begin with? Well originally as a straight "A" gifted student; its what I wanted to be. I loved kids and babysitting my cousins, and I always saw my teachers had a genuine love for their profession. However, being a married high school graduate I wanted to do something faster along the lines of cosmetology. But it disapointed some people in my life. People who thought I'd be wasting my brain if I didn't go to "college". And I let that get to me so instead I settled on being a working wife and starting our lives. Always thinking someday I would do something.
Then came kids and I never wanted to be the mom who went to school and work and left my kids in the care of someone else missing all their milestones and time. I had so many professional friends tell me to pursue my education while they are little and can't remember anything, yet my brain always told me to stay and nourish them as long as I can. And to know that giving them my time and affection would fill their hearts more then having their mom have a college degree. But now my kids are in school, with my little one in kindergarten. Now I feel maybe its the time I can juggle some online classes.
For the past 8 and a half years I have been blessed to be at an endoscopy center. I am a patient representative which involves lots of patient service, insurances, appointments and phones. It has been amazing to work here and get to know some of the most awesome people from nurses, paramedics and the caring doctors we have. I have been blessed with a lovely boss lady and a great team of ladies to work with in close quarters. The location and schedule has always allowed me to spend nore time with the kids and as busy as we get, it never feels stressful or daunting to come to work. Its actually one of the best places to work in healthcare. Going into education would be a complete change of fields.
At the same time, the past 2 and half years my husband and I started serving in the Family ministry at church. I have had the most amazing time teaching 5 year olds up to 1st graders. I enjoy their smiles, the silly things they say. Their sincere love and praying for those little lives. I love everything from going over the curriculum to find activities for them and watching them grow and learn. The joy they have brought to my life has been more then I ever imagined. Knowing their innocent love and talking to parents, there is nothing more humbling then knowing they are making progress.
Between my love of kids, and the schedule to be with my own kids, I was convinced to go full throttle into teaching and make a career change. However, I haven't felt God's confirmation.
Since then, I've really asked God to examine my heart and show me a way. In the time I have had, I have wondered how different it will be to teach in a system where I cannot boldly proclaim Jesus and His love as I easily do at church. How parent involvement or disengagement could affect the type of kid i get in class. I have wondered how we could make ends meet when a teacher's salary can be relatively low especially for one with no prior experience. I have felt conviction over wanting a degree as If adding a title to my name will bring validation or add to my self worth. Because if I really want to make a difference in a kids life I can always do it without it being my career.
At the same time I have seen God move in my current job and bring peace and joy in what I do and where I am at. To see Him open doors I didn't think were available to me and to show me the hard work and all these years in the same field have paid off; I would like to stick around and see what He could do.
My heart is stirred to love children in all situations in every way. To show them there are adults that care. That want to teach them they are made in His image and worth so much. I want to encourage them, push them and pour so much into how they see themselves and others. I want to push them to make good choices, to love others, to work hard, to be honest. To persevere and never give up. I want them to know the love of Christ and want to pray they one day get to know Him, and rise up as world changers.
And I know God sees my heart and knows my needs, my wants and my future. For now, I feel my place is here. As a mom and wife, as a friend, a volunteer and maybe just another adult influence in the lives of those kids in my sphere. Perhaps the door is not closing on the possibility because I know there is nothing impossible for my God to make a way, but I know that I can do all these things without the title.
I have seen so much need from fostering, to mentoring, to possibly adoption one day....
I will continue to pray where God leads as far as what I do for a living but today I feel encouraged to continue exactly as I am..... and not look to a degree to do exactly what my heart desires. LOVE, PRAY For and engage little minds.
Love,
Meli
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