Once upon a time, there was a girl who started a journey to tackle all the "buts" and excuses she'd been making and finally lose weight. That journey started a year ago, and now that she's finally reached her goal, she lived healthily ever after..... -The End.
As a kid I loved reading stories that ended like that. But that's not what happened. A year ago, I had my mind made up to conquer my struggles and embark on a journey of healthy choices and exercise. I can say that I'm not where I envisioned.... I can't even say I succeeded at losing weight or on maintaning a healthy lifestyle. I was set, I was determined and somewhere along the way I lost all motivation.
Most of you may remember the post I wrote on my 26th birthday last year where I finally pinpointed all the buts I'd been using to not tackle the weight issue. I have struggled with so much of this burden for so long. I go from being disciplined and ready to make a change planning meals and working out.... to feeling like it's impossible and letting old habits creep up on me. I've gone in circles from envisioning a healthier me enjoying more physical activities with the kids to accepting this is who I am. I have wrestled with the thoughts Jesus and my husband love me just as I am, to thinking maybe the "fat" and "overweight" is all people see in me.
I've justified my weight by being the busy mom who puts my kids and family first, and with work and ministry it can be so easy to not find time or energy to take care of me. I've made excuses that healthier food is more expensive and doesn't fit in my budget, and even felt I could never be one of those people obsessed with fitness and healthy eating.
I know in my mind that indeed Jesus loves me as I am.... and as much as I'd want to remain the same, That's not what His love does. I'm learning in so many areas what it's like to let go of habits and things that hold us back from God's plan for our life. I'm learning to be refined under the pressures that we may face in our marriage and parenting....and I know it's that discomfort that brings forth desire to change and to grow. Both spiritually and now physically. I honestly feel that I can't hide behind all the buts I can make.
The other day I was trying to encourage a woman whom like so many struggle with self esteem issues, and feeling sure of who I am, I told her she was free to be confident just as she was as I could be confident even being overweight. And that's when she said something that rocked me, shook me and has moved me to action. She said being overweight is a choice..... and there went all the esteem I thought I had. Is this what people think? That I choose to be overweight? Could it be limiting my effectiveness of encouraging others or the way people see me if all they see and focus on is my unhealthy weight?
Since that conversation a couple of nights ago every bit.of confidence I thought I had despite being overweight has been brought into question. It hurt. It stung. And then I decided to take action. I spoke to my husband who always has this way of making me feel beautiful and yet making me feel capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to. I told him I was done with the big buts and want to set out to eating healthy, Planning meals and committing to exercising. I don't want to weigh myself and I don't want to focus on numbers. I don't want to feel pressure to be a certain size.... I just want to commit to health...to consistency and to proving to myself that I can Choose better. I can choose to live my life In a way that honors God by taking care of my body, and to help and encourage others who are not fixed on seeing me only as the "fat" lady......
I see others in this struggle and I know it hurts to be told it's a choice to be overweight. There maybe so much out of your control, but it's never to late to change. Even if we didn't choose to be overweight.... we can Choose.to do something about it. It may be hard, it may take long, It may make.you want to cry and give up. It may make you feel it's impossible....it may make you feel angry, but don't let it stop you. I know I can't do this to myself year after year. I want 2016 to be the year I finally decide I can do this!
No matter what you've started, and given up on. No matter what has happened to get you where you are. No matter what people think or the hurtful things they may say, with Jesus as long as you got today you have another chance. Another chance at starting over... another chance of not being defined by what has happened to you or what you've been... you can start over! I encourage you to know whether your struggle is weight related like mine or you're dealing with another issue..... that we can decide to hand it over to God and let Him equip us to change. That we can fully trust Him to strengthen us and meet us right in the struggle where He doesn't want to condemn us or for us to drown in pity, but instead wants to love us with a perfect love that let's go of fear and "buts" and enables us to become more than conquerors and overcomers. Let's do this!!!! In Jesus name.
Love ♡, Meli
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