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Weekend To Remember



A few weeks ago, I was fortunate enough to win through the radio, registration for a marriage retreat about 1 hour away from us. It was being held at the Marriot in Delray Beach. This was the perfect getaway for my husband and  I to spend time with each other and learn more about marriage. Marriage after all is one of the most important missions we have as we create and raise our family. I was so ecstatic when I received the call, that we had won! It was an amazing privilege because one: its hosted by Focus on the Family, one of the ministries that helped us get our marriage back on track a couple years ago, and two because this year is our tenth anniversary and I always envisioned having a wedding and renewing our vows. Though that isn't possible just yet , the conference did end with us renewing our vows! It was an amazing experience to be able to have this romantic getaway, but also to see over 300 couples from 23 states gathered to improve their marriage. Some couples were newly weds, some has been married over 40 years.... some had amazing marriages and some where on the brink of divorce, but all made an effort to invest in their marriage! One thing I've learned, is that no matter how good something is whether its your marriage, or any relationship or anything we do, its always a work in progress. There's always something to learn, and changes we can make. Instead of making this a long blog, and try to squeeze 3 days of learning into one blog.... I'll just give you some of the most important ideas or points I took away from this "Weekend to Remember"....

WHY MARRIAGES FAIL:
  • Every marriage is either moving toward oneness or drifting towards isolation
  1. "Oneness In marriage involves complete unity with each other. It's more than a mere mingling of two humans- its a tender merger of body soul and spirit." Dennis Rainey
  • Marriages fail because of : difficult adjustments, our culture's pattern, inevitable difficulties, extramarital affairs, and selfishness
  • Extra marital affairs can be anything from activities, career, materialism, family, fantasy and love affair
GOD'S PURPOSE FOR MARRIAGE:
  •  Marriage is about more than just our happiness
  • it was created to mirror God's image
  • it was created to mutually complete one another
  • God designed marriage to be the first of interdependent relationship
  • we must consider our spouse before we consider ourselves
When we marry there are 3 goals:

  1. LEAVE: the first responsibility is to establish independence from your parents- you should still honor parents, but it is essential that your spouse is the primary relationship of your life, making sure there is no overdependence on parents, especially financially
  2. CLEAVE: the second responsibility is to establish commitment to one another- God saw a need in Adam and created woman out of him to be his helper- He received her as a gift from God, he knew and trusted God, not Eve's performance.
  3. BECOME ONE FLESH: The third responsibility is to establish intimacy with one another- becoming one flesh is more than just having sex once married- it is a process that helps us grow as individuals and grow closer as a couple- physical intimacy is an expression of this ultimate oneness...


CONFLICT:
  • How a couple resolves conflict reflects the state of their oneness
  • conflict is common to ALL marriages
  • the goal of marriage is not to be conflict free but to handle conflict correctly when it occurs
  • Conflicts occur when our desires are not met, when our "Rights"  are violated, or when have been hurt
  • our unfulfilled desires may result in anger, and lead to fighting and quarelling
  • resolving conflict requires loving confrontation, remembering that our spouse is not an enemy
  • speak the truth in love, choose your words carefully and confront with humility
  • resolving conflict will require forgiveness
  • True forgives is a choice to set your spouse free from the debt of their offense, an attitude of letting go of resentment and the first step to rebuilding trust
SEX:

  • A satisfying sex life is built on a foundation of: companionship, commitment, passion and spiritual intimacy
  • When companionship is lacking, sex often loses its depth- make sure to share openly and listen carefully, express your affection, show love through touch, share mutual interests and DATE
  • When commitment is lacking, sex can seem risky and can leave a spouse feeling vulnerable- make sure to regularly reaffirm your commitment, keep accounts with each other, build trust, never talk down to each other, validate each other's opinions, develop a healthy attitude toward your spouse and sex
  • When passion is lacking sex can become routine and stale- so make sure to make it a priority, enhance the setting, vary the approach and schedule it for the best part of your day
  • When spiritual intimacy is lacking, sex can become shallow and self-focused- so make sure to pray together as a couple, read the bible together, pray for each other and memorize verses or passages together
  • A satisfying sex life is the result of a satisfying marriage relationship

MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE THRIVE

There are 3 essential ingredients your marriage should consist of :
    1. The habit of extravagant love- it is exclusive- one person has your heart for a lifetime. It is expressed- repeated often through words and actions and it is extraordinary- placing your spouses needs above your own. Extravagant love is a choice not a feeling. It leads to genuine intimacy.
    2. The habit of generous forgiveness. Generous forgiveness begins with humility. Without it marriages can be filled with bitterness and become toxic. Forgiveness should be offered quickly, applied freely and expressed graciously- keeping no record of wrongs. Generous forgiveness leads to true security!
    3. The habit of enthusiastic encouragement. Enthusiastic encouragement believes in and motivates your spouse to grow. Enthusiastic encouragement openly affirms your spouse, avoids critical words, and maintains a positive attitude even in hard times. Enthusiastic encouragement leads to authentic unity.


Just remember our culture's pattern and approach to marriage is different than the purpose God has for it. It isn't 50/50, but 100% from both spouses. We were fortunate enough to be a part of this event and can't wait to be able to volunteer for other events. I pray you can learn, and apply these things to your marriage. It is always a daily work, decision and commitment to love your spouse!- for more resources check out: www.familylife.com









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