Do you have a garden? I don't. I'd love to have fresh fruits and veggies available for me in my own backyard, but honestly I just wouldn't want to put in the work. There's a lot of planting involved, soil, water, getting dirty, keeping insects away... Totally not my thing. I don’t mind paying more for my produce at a market just to avoid the work required to grow it!
Last month, as I was reading blogs on marriage as I always do (one of my favorite subjects); I came across a 30 day husband encouragement challenge. It gave daily instructions on what topic you'd be encouraging your husband on like character, generosity, honesty, and even physical appearance. During the 30 days, I was also not allowed to say anything negative to my husband or about my husband to anyone. Sounded easy enough. The point? To sow in your husband love, patience, understanding and grow stronger as a team by pushing your partner. I decided to take on the challenge, not because he needed encouragement in particular, nor did I think we needed to be stronger, but because I wanted to put in work into my marriage!
Marriages are a lot like gardens. Some people make the decision to get into one, thinking of all the benefits that come with it, happiness, companionship, or a hobby and fresh veggies at home. To start a garden, I'm sure there would be a lot I have to buy... Soil, shovels, gloves, a little fence, and seeds. To start a marriage, lots of people plan on the wedding, the dress, the shoes, the reception and a place to live! Lots of startup expenses to both.
And neither can survive beyond that point without someone putting in work. It doesn't matter if I bought all my gardening materials and left them in my garage or trunk of my car and never actually went out to the backyard to plant any seeds. It also wouldn't matter if you spend $20,000 on a wedding with the dress, the limo, the flowers and food if you decided to stop working on your marriage the day you said I do. To see the garden blossom and give fruit, you'd have to work on it daily. Watering, sun, picking out weeds, protecting it from animals and insects. The same way a marriage works. You water it with love and affection, you shine a light of appreciation and encouragement and you protect it from outside intruders.... Work, routine, distractions, complacency, others.
Gardens are beautiful. Whether a home grown garden of fruits and veggies, or a beautiful colorful array of flowers, somebody has to do the work. They give fruit and flowers by season, and it’s so nice to enjoy the fruit of your labor when it does finally blossom. However, once it grows, it still requires work. Work to pick it while the fruits and veggies are ripe and the flowers are in full bloom. Without maintaining it, even its beauty will fade and you won’t be able to enjoy it. And when all is picked and sent off to be sold, or consumed, the garden will once again remain bare. Unless you repeat the cycle!
And by now you’re probably wondering, what does a garden have to do with my 30 day encouragement challenge and how they can possibly be related? But my brain works in mysterious ways, so hold on let me explain. Celebrating 10 years of marriage, felt like a goal, a destination. We got here we made it, and we are enjoying every bit of celebrating our love and that accomplishment. But if I stopped there, and told myself I made it, and never worked on my marriage again; truth is I wouldn’t have much of a marriage. It was nice to see my garden blossom after all the watering, weeding, and picking I’ve had to do at it, but even as I’m picking the beautiful flowers that have blossomed, I have to continue working on it to plant more and see more fruit, and eventually make it to 20,30, 50 years of marriage. Remember this not only applies to marriages, but all relationships. Take care of them like a garden.
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And remember basic gardening rules:
1. The more you plant, the more you grow. Your garden can be as big as you make it.
2. You reap what you sow! You can’t throw in pepper seeds, and expect to grow tomatoes.
3. And even while enjoying the growth and fruit, remember that too will end. Unless you put in the work for more! It’s not an endless supply from one time planting.
Though I thought my marriage was fine, the 30 day challenge ended up encouraging me. The more I planted patience, love, affection and encouragement in him, the more I got in return. You can never have too much of a good thing! Go on, go sow, go plant, go water, go grow your garden!
Galatians 6:7
"...for whatever one sows, that will he also reap."
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