I always wondered how missionaries felt when God called them to leave the comfort of their homes, families, safety, and churches to go somewhere unknown to preach the gospel. I wondered if they were scared. I wondered what would happen if they resisted and didn't follow the calling placed before them.
Four years ago after living with my parents, we were able to purchase our first home. Somehow being a homeowner at the age of 23 gave me a sense of pride. The house was an answered prayer. A lot of sweat, hard work and tears. This house signified freedom and peace to my family and I. We all went from sharing the master bedroom in my parent's home to having the privacy we wanted as a married couple. And the kids would share a room for now. I remember thinking this was only our starter home. It wasn't in the area we envisioned and at 2 bedrooms, it was also smaller then we wanted for our family. But the numbers worked out. God opened doors and worked everything in our favor to own this home. A foreclosure in move in condition with a new roof and the ability to purchase with only 3 percent down.
It has been four years of memories. The house Emmanuel slept in his room alone for the first time. The place Emeli learned to walk and where we celebrated so many birthdays and holidays and were able to have countless celebrations, get togethers and play dates. This house means security. A sense of accomplishment. Yet after four years, we also have not been able to do to it what we planned. With so much on the to do list, the kids growing and still sharing a room, and the inability to tackle growing debt..........we wondered what was next. We took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace in January and since then we'd been brainstorming ways to save money and tackle debt and at the same time be more generous and obedient in our giving.
In March, we celebrated 4 years of homeownership. We rejoiced in knowing this was an answered prayer to the hard times that came before and yet at the same time I felt God tell me to sell the house. Crazy! Why would I sell the only thing I own? The one thing that made me feel accomplished and secure. But I spoke to my husband and the praying began. I don't know if God had possibly put the same thing on his heart but He listened and promised we would pray and wait for an answer. I have to be honest though it was clear and audible that this would be the next move for our family, I struggled with it. Knowing that we were not ready to buy another home right away due to mounting debt and medical expenses, and that rent prices in our area are so high I couldn't comprehend how this would make sense or work out.
Nonetheless, we continued praying and seeking the Lord's direction. Weekly in my prayer group, this was a prayer request and something we fasted about. The truth is, the past couple of years we had dealt with so many expenses that our giving to our church and those in need, had not been what it once was before. What God was trying to show me was that I could be enslaved to the debt and making payments to have great credit, or I could pay off my debt and have Him be the master of our finances. The more we talked about it, the more my husband seemed to be on the same page. He even reached out to our realtor, and with numbers and information, we decided to wait some more.
With every message, teaching and preaching we heard, everything kept pointing to selling. At the beginning of the year, God had given me the word MORE. Last year was brave and I dealt with a lot of things that required courage. The year before He'd given me the word deeper, and that year I was called into a deeper relationship with HIm, and others through learning how to serve. I couldn't understand what more would mean, except now it was becoming clearer. This year HE would require us to be MORE obedient, More faithful, and MORE generous.
Last month, my husband finally confirmed to me that He knew selling was the right thing to do and that the time was now. We reached out to the realtor right away and this time the numbers were something we'd never imagine. We signed the papers, and the house was on the market within days. 6 families came to look at our house and in a matter of 4 days, and 4 offers received, we were in contract. The house passed the inspection, and though we accepted the highest offer that was above listing price and comparisions in the area, the appraisal miraculously came exactly for the same amount. There is no doubt God is working it all out.
I have to admit, it's been more emotional then I thought it was going to be. I was anxious, angry and the waiting process was filling my head with fear. Fear that somehow I'd done the wrong thing and that paying more in rent makes no sense. Yet God through His word, and even songs reassures me that Faith IS believing what we could not see. And that Just as He daily takes care of the birds, He would take care of us. It was killing me, being a budgeter trying to figure out our monthly expenses without the debt and trying to work in numbers of a new rent payment and more giving, yet He is still reminding me that it doesn't have to make human sense. He opens doors even I can't see, and just as He did before He can work all things out for us. I don't know how long we will rent, even though our goal is a year. I don't know how the market will look or how Emerald will be doing at his job where he is always working towards a promotion. I also don't know where I will be in the process of pursuing a teaching degree or if our plans and desires will be completely changed to align to His will...... but I do know that we are moving in Obedience, stepping out in Faith like never before, and that HE sees the Future even when we can't.
Today, one of our Pastors spoke about the freedom that comes through Surrender. Surrendering meaning letting go of control. We read through Luke 5 and how Simon the fishermen who would become Peter had been out all night trying to fish. He hadn't caught anything and decided to come back in where He saw Jesus speaking to the crowds. Jesus whom he was already familiar with then got into his boat and told him to ho back out into the deep and set down nets for a catch. This sounded crazy to Simon Peter and made no sense. He had just been out that night yet He decided to obey. This time with Jesus on the boat they caught so many fish, their net was breaking. And all those around them were astonished. It was at this point he realized he was a sinner not worthy of God's goodness.
With this story both my husband and I received confirmation that sometimes surrender will mean to let go of things that don't make sense to us or anyone around us. But its in that obedience, that God can show up and not only surprise us but have others be amazed at what God does in our lives. Surrender opens the door for God's blessing and opens the door to be used by God.
Today I encourage you to listen. Listen to what God would require of you in this season of life. To obey the calling like so many missionaries in dangerous countries do leaving it all behind for the sake of the gospel. I encourage you to surrender to what God wants you to do next. Even if its going back out in the boat like Peter knowing nothing had been caught. For us, its going back out on the boat of not being homeowners. Of getting rid of that security and that investment that at once we longed for so much. For us its surrendering to having HIM be in charge of our boat called "FINANCES" and waiting to see what HE does. We pray that we can continue to yield to His voice and His lead and see what HE does as we leave it all behind ...............
Love.Meli
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