If I am going to be honest, when I started this blog I wanted to name it Meli's Messes, because when it comes to marriage, and motherhood, I feel I have made a lot of messes of it all. I struggle with feeling inadequate and like a complete failure at times.
I am not sure what triggers this when I thought of myself as "confident" and the fact my truth is rooted in God's word (for the most part).
Perhaps it is the pictures we paint on social media of perfection. Perhaps its our brains are oversaturated with looking at images of other Moms who seem to do it all. Work 60 hours a week, meal prep cooking gourmet healthy meals for the family, working out 5 hours a day even becoming body builders, or running a home based business, all while being able to homeschool or be present at every school event, and looking completely wonderful with their blowdried hair looking like they came out of a salon or stepped out of a Tresemme commercial. Their nails are done, their make up is on Fleek, and their kids looks dressed ready to shoot for a catalog....... And don't get me wrong, if you can do this- more power to you! I don't know how you do it- I saw this picture the other day on someone's Instagram the other day and I related to every single thing this said. I don't know who Bunmi Laditan is but I think they definitely understand motherhood.
It not only struck a cord but resonated deeply- because this is a thought pattern I have to constantly pray for and fight to make it go away.
It got even tougher to do that after a doctor's appointment with Manny where we went over his allergy diagnosis. My poor boy is allergic to everything in this florida environment from trees, to grass, to even Peanuts. We were told the medications are not making a big difference and I should consider immunotherapy. Immunotherapy which requires weekly shots for a period of up to 3 years.- first what kid likes shots? -and second what risks and side effects am I willing to put my kid through. Then comes the questions of what his nutrition looks like and I start feeling like if maybe I fed him more veggies, or took him outdoors more this wouldn't be an issue.
I realized I feel this way everytime my kids come across something- like when they told me we had to watch Emeli's weight at 4 years old. There goes the mom guilt- what am I feeding her? Am I letting her play outside and get exercise? Am I loading her up on solely junk food?
I struggle with feeling like everything my kids deal with from bringing home a "C', To the allergies or weight issues, are a direct result of my parenting. That somehow if I cooked healthier, exercised daily, spent more time with them didn't have to work, was a volunteer at school more often, or did more for them, then they would be better off. And its not true. Because the truth is I am not in control of anything!- I should be a mom that loves her kids deeply, who wants the best for them, who prays for them, who feeds them, provides shelter and raises them to be loving, kind, self sufficient, productive Citizens, Jesus Loving, honest hard working adults- but guess what? That will never be enough to guarantee who my kids will grow up to be. That will never guarantee that nothing bad ever happens to them, that will never guarantee they don't make mistakes or focus on the wrong things- That pressure to be a perfect mother and have it all together is a lie.
I have to be willing to know God is in control and to trust that HE loves my kids more then I ever will and that they are in HIS loving Hands. And to know that there is grace for me as mom allows me to breathe! To know that I don't have to be that perfect mom who knows just what to say and is slow to anger and has the best solutions for conflict resolution. To know that somedays I won't be able to cook, or take them outside and perhaps give them way too much screen-time to get things done and that is ok- is liberating. The truth is I am not called to perfection in motherhood (or any area of my life), and my kids life outcome won't solely depend on me is a burden off my shoulders I never had to carry.
With mother's day coming up- I salute you! Young to old, married or single- being a mom is job that never ends. But instead of putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, hand it over to Jesus and rest in Him. He is a good father, to you and your kids. There is grace in our messes and mistakes. Let love be your language to your kids. Love them well. Enjoy them. And encourage them often. All else is extra. And next time you see a perfect "Mom" anywhere on social media- think of this song! I think we could all use a good laugh....or in my case a good cry.... Follow the link.
For another related post see: http://theworldaccordingtomeli.blogspot.com/2016/05/woe-is-me.html
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