I wish I was at the point I could just write about being loving and kind all the time. Yet here I am again to tell you of how badly I handled myself in a situation.
On Friday, my brother called me so that I could stop to buy him some Publix fried chicken he was craving since he was unable to drive that day. I picked up my kids and nephews and headed that way. Right after making a pit stop to deliver my neighbor some flowers since she had recently been discharged from the hospital. Kindness was my mission.
We stopped at our local grocery store which never fails to have hot chicken ready. Yet to my surprise they only had rotisserie, not what my brother wanted. I asked the lady behind the counter as her and a co worker were loading the fryer and changing the filter and she replied it would only be 20 minutes until the fried chicken would be ready to go. At my brother's request, I waited. All 3 kids and I would stroll the aisles after a stop at the water fountain and restroom. We passed the time making fun of all the off brand cereal names and racing down the empty aisles. Once they were tired and restless, we headed back to the deli to check on the chicken.
Twenty minutes had passed and yet no fried chicken had been brought out. I wasn't trying to be impatient, but I decided to ask again so they would know I was still waiting. The lady who previously answered my question so politely was not there anymore so I approached the other lady. The same co worker who had been at the fryer with her when I asked the first time.
I put on what thought was my most gentle sweet soft spoken voice and asked her if she knew when the chicken would be out. Remember kindness was my mission, so I do not think I was ready for what came next.
She yelled at me! She replied very loudly and aggravated by my question: "it won't be for another 15 minutes."
to which I said: "oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to bother you but the lady you were with told me 20 minutes and just wanted to know if it was ready"
She seemed very agitated and frustrated that I'd even ask. In the most rude demeanor she starts yelling : " I dont know who told you 20 minutes, but I am here frying the chicken myself and it won't be for another 15 minutes. there's no one here with me".
Immediately my blood rushed to my head and I could feel a hot flash of anger coming on. I wanted to ask her who she thought she was talking to. I wanted her to know she didn't have to treat me in such a way. I wanted to argue and remind her she had been there when I asked about the chicken to begin with. But I didn't. I walked away. As the children watched me, I struggled to bite my tongue, swallow my pride and just leave. I called my brother and ranted about my horrible customer service experience where shopping was not a pleasure.
I had not felt so disrespected and talked down to as I did that moment. And for some reason I couldn't understand why she found it necessary to speak to me that way all over some chicken.
Yet I thought I won the battle. I thought I was the bigger person and had responded in a way Jesus would be proud. I mean clearly she deserved for me to at least argue back.
As the weekend went on, I kept thinking of the situation. At church I was reminded we are being observed.... everyone is watching us. What do our actions say? Do they tell of the LOVE Jesus has given me? Do they show the grace and mercy HE extended me? Even though I did nothing wrong, I was surely convicted that was not the way I should have reacted.
God had a way of moving my heart to not think of the treatment I thought I deserved and how wrong she had been, but instead to look at her with the eyes of love and to consider what she could be going through. Perhaps she had a rough day. Perhaps her circumstances are less then joyful. Maybe she is alone. or struggling. or stressed. or overworked. But surely I should have not walked away from her. I should have seen her with eyes of kindness. The mission I was on. I should have treated her as more than a rude employee and inquired about HER. Perhaps she needed kindness or encouragement. And that's where I am reminded of forgiveness. Not because she needs it, but because I do.
I know better. I know Jesus Loves me. and IN HIM, my peace and joy are found. I've been called by HIM to LOVE others. To shine a light. So that others may come to know Him. As I prepare for my missions trip, I know this. Yet I didn't respond that way. I should have and for that I am sorry.
I have been convicted and called to do more then just regret not reacting properly. What I am going to do next, please believe, is strictly a move of obedience to what I feel God has called me to do. Because in my natural prideful, angry self, there is no way I would think of this on my own. My mission of kindness continues. Now I am going back there with an apology letter, a gift card for coffee, and an invitation to church. Please hold any kudos. I don't deserve them. I am simply learning that I am responsible for MY actions and my response. I am to be obedient what God has called me to do regardless of what is said or done to me or whether I may find them unworthy.
Love,
Meli
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