This was my view. With plenty of land. Two guest houses. An outdoor kitchen and patio. A pool on the edge and chickens down below. It was a perfect kick off to the vacation for some relaxation and family time.
Except, everything at this height scared me. The kids running around. Horse playing. Being kids. -- frightened me. There were hills and cliffs and edges. And a sidewalk without railings that separated the two guest houses. Plus the pool that seemed almost like an infinity pool that was very close to a cliff. I feel like I spent the whole day making sure they were in a safe area trying to avoid any accident. A bit paranoid actually, looking back.
And that same first night, the unthinkable happened. Talking with family waiting for the "asado" , I lost my footing and missed a step and completely landed on my ankle. It twisted and went outward as I lost my balance and fell down the step, bracing for impact with my hand. Landing full body sideways onto my ankle.
For that minute, all the blood and hotness and energy rushed to my ankle as a wave of pain that completely paralyzed my foot and rendered it unable to move. My husband, and brother in law rushed to my aid. With ice and ibuprofen as the immediate swelling was apparent. Like a little child, I burst out in tears. I am not fully sure if it was the pain, the shock, the embarrassment, or the fact I knew vacation was ruined and I wasn't going to be able to walk normally as I planned.
After some minutes numbing it on the floor with Ice, I gained my composure and was helped back to my room. Where I spent more time crying. Laying down. Foot elevated and being iced.
Everyone came in my room that night in attempts to cheer me up and help me forget the pain. It worked. I laughed and cried some more. I was overwhelmed. All I kept thinking about was not being able to enjoy my vacation that was just beginning, and the fact I had survived hiking up the mountain when our van left us stranded only to hurt myself so badly in such a careless manner.
I spent the rest of the days at the finca (farm) mostly sitting with my foot up and ice pack on. I missed the futbol games, playing with the dogs and walking down to the town to hike back up the mountain. I felt like doom and gloom wallowing in pity for myself and the guilt I felt for "ruining" our trip. But through encouraging texts, and my sister and husband's loving words, I was reminded this painful experience would soon be a blog. And it was then I was reminded to look for and pray for what God was trying to teach me through this.
First I was reminded that the worst thing that could have happened to me happened to me at the best time. It happened there. Where I had a view and scenery to enjoy even if just sitting down. I was able to sleep in the first floor of the main house. And I had plenty sitting spaces in the great outdoors with cool weather. It could have happened in the city where there is nothing but a sidewalk outside to see, and where I would have had to strain myself to make it to the 2nd floor we were sleeping in.
But secondly and most important, I was reminded of my vain attempts to be "in control". Ever since I got there, I wanted to make sure the kids were safe and trying to avoid them getting hurt. The one thing I tried to avoid Happened to me. And not while I was running around the edges, or horse playing. It simply happened as I talked and spent time with family. Showing me accidents can happen anywhere and anyway.
And once again reminding me:::: I Am Not In Control of anything!!!
I think that is one lesson God is constantly trying to teach me. I plan. I budget. I prepare. I pack. I make lists and goals and yet I cannot control all the circumstances and outcomes. I fool myself thinking keeping people safe, and things organized is my responsibility. Or that it even depends on anything I do.
This little accident has allowed me to lose control. The control I have never had. And its such a relief to know things happen regardless of precautions, preparedness or planning. God is in control and everything that happens to me pass through His loving hands first. And I have found that my trials and suffering whether big or small is always Him trying to grow me or refine me. I never want to forget that He holds every detail of my life. Of my walking, of my injury and there is Good in all of it.
Today I rejoice nothing is fractured and that healing will come and can start now that I am back home where its easier to rest.
But I also rejoice in the subtle reminder that I am in control of nothing!
Jesus, continue to change me. Mold me. Grow me and mature me in you alone. To relax, calm down and stop being so over bearing when it comes to carefulness. Remind me you hold me, my kids, the world and you are in control.
Today I encourage you to surrender all fear and worry. I realize when I try to control every situation, I lose the Peace He gives me. I forget I have a loving father that takes all our pain and turns it into good. A Father that desires sooo much more for us then we can imagine.
If you are dealing with an unfortunate event, know God is there. And there is always something He can teach us! Trust in Him!
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3
Love, Meli
Comments
Post a Comment