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if I die tonight....

I know.... what a dramatic title. But most of you who know me know one of my favorites is Christian hip hop. And in the words of Lecrae, this is something I've been thinking about a lot the past couple of weeks.

"If I die tonight, I gon' know that I
Gave this with my everything
If I die tonight
If I die tonight, you ain't gotta cry
Cause I know that Heaven waits
If I die tonight"- Lecrae

I started trying to eat healthy and clean a couple of weeks back.  I figured I would start feeling better more energetic and this time around I'd finally conquer my weight. Except, I started feeling like I hadn't before. Tired. Out of breath. No energy. Headaches. Sweating and feeling hot almost daily.  At first, I thought it was just my allergies and the b-12 deficiency I've dealt with in the past. But it was worse. And soon, I felt I couldn't exercise or have the energy to meal plan at the end of the day I wanted to sleep. one day, I looked at my hands and saw some familiar red spots I saw when I dealt with preclampsya (high blood pressure) in my pregnancy. I knew I had to take my blood pressure and since I work at a medical center... . I monitored my blood pressure for a couple of days and it was extremely high. I knew it was time to see the doctor
.
At the doctors office, she confirmed my pressure was HIGH, and referred me to run a bunch of tests. Which included a visit to the cardiologist. With a murmur in my past, she wanted to monitor to make sure my heart was healthy. And she started me on a medication to help lower my blood pressure. I was given instructions to only drink water and watch my sodium which gives me more motivation to continue to eat healthy.

But, as I went home, filled my prescription and made appointments to see a cardiologist to do a stress test and have an echo, the worry of having a heart problem or serious condition started weighing heavy on me. I started wondering about life and how we are only on this earth a short period of time, and it made me question what I'm doing with my life. Not what happens when I die, but what I am using my life for! As a believer, I know that I live for Him and die for Him and I have an assurance of an eternal life with Him.




As most of you know, I work full time, I am a wife, a mother to 2 kids, and we serve in children's ministry. Apart from this blog, I always find my gift is to encourage others, pray for others and uplift them in any way. But even in doing all that, which people may look at and say is great..... I felt a bigger burden to live and love more.  The God whom I serve, has called me to love Him and love others and regardless of what I do for a living, or what diagnosis I may face..... there is nothing that matters most then doing just that.




Everything came back normal. My heart's ok. My circulation's ok. Despite a few allergies and the needed use of an inhaler, it looks like I'm gonna live. I have no life threatening condition whatsoever. And I couldn't be happier and more thankful to God and to all those who knew and lifted me up in prayer.

And just like the bible verse I kept reassuring myself with that everything works for the good of those who love HIM , I believe I had to go through these scary moments to hold on tighter to Jesus, to seek Him more, to truly cherish and enjoy every moment with family and friends. But also to dig deeper and not abandon this blog, because I know how painful discouragement may be. There is nothing that fills my heart with joy more then sharing my experiences of God's goodness and love for me, because I know how desperately we are in need of unconditional love. Through all of these trials, I've just been reassured to continue reaching out to those who may  be facing trials or difficult seasons..... and to really make my life about loving God with all my heart, mind and soul and loving others. Family, friends, Coworkers, neighbors and strangers.

If I die tonight, I know where I'm headed. And I'm working on making everyday my mission to Love, Love and love some more. But if you die, because chances are 10 out 10 of us will..... do you have the hope and assurance that to die is gain? Do you have Hope in the uncertainty of life that there is a God who loves you amd wants to work it all out for your good? I'm praying you do!! And I pray today that you'll be encouraged to know that with Christ, we win. All the time.

Love ♡, Meli





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